WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S PAST MID-MAY!?

I think this is the only part of the world where I can spend half of the day hiding from hail storms and rain–with the worst striking while I'm on a bike ride exploring town with a good friend–and the other half getting a sunburn. I think I am the only person who tells herself she will "detox"... then makes her hubby (and herself) pancakes for breakfast, THEN is out for lunch and grabs a pastry, THEN goes out for a hot chocolate.

I can justify the hot chocolate. We had spent the afternoon on our bikes, cruising along the canal and admiring the mix of architecture and, well, lack of: crumbling buildings and RV communities next to an insanely expensive new "ergothérapie" center. Joe once told me that he read that someone said that doctors say that drinking chocolate milk after exercise provides the perfect balance of sugars and proteins to help burn fat and promote muscle. Voila. A reason for hot chocolate. (I have no reason for the loads of whipped cream that was on top, but it tasted a lot better than the starving myself in high school did.)

#LifeIsShort

Hanging out with my friend today, who leaves Nancy mid-June, made me realize what this year has been. A sort of crash-course in adulthood and relationship development skills. A smash-and-grab of culture and friendship: letting yourself share moments with people who, after May, you may never see again. It made the hot chocolate go down a bit hard.

I'm not an outgoing person. No, really. Stop laughing–I'm serious. Give me a room with 200 people and a microphone; I'll manage. Throw me in a party with my peers and watch social awkwardness at work. I get uncomfortable in groups; I prefer small circles of close friends to group events. I clam up at parties and want to back out of plans at the last minute when too many people are involved. Trying to limit the social anxiety and get close to a few friends has made this coming departure even more emotional. There are some girls here that have come to mean so much to me.

I've gotten better at letting myself have a social life–cutting things from the to-do lists I always say I'll stop writing and spending a few hours out in the city with lovely people, drinking and eating things that will never taste or feel the same, getting sunburns on the half of our bodies that face the sun while we sit at our café table.

When I got home after a great afternoon, I felt myself tumble into emotional quicksand. If I didn't pace myself, I'd go down quickly and not even Wesley could pull me out.* I decided to use my time dwelling on the future to my advantage and work on my career prospects. I:

1. Reorganized ALL the files on my computer, including making a much better portfolio folder.
2. Deleted loads of things and realized that my music folders need serious help. (Four copies of things that automatically backed themselves up? Woops!)
3. Finally fixed my Linked In profile.
4. Organized my Word-version of my résumé. (Bluck.)
5. Looked at puppies in the Bloomington animal shelter. Heh...

Focusing on the parts of the future I can control (and starting the beginning of "Blade Runner") definitely got my head in a better place, though the thought of July 7 is still weighing heavily on me. That means I'll just have to get myself out and on my bike, hanging out with friends to make up for all the time we won't have in the future. Thank God for this "globalized", smaller world we're living in, but I don't know how many goodbye stages I can handle!

Tomorrow, I'll be out in the sun to even out this thigh-only sunburn. Joe has the morning off, so we're heading to the park early for a picnic and badminton practice, our voluntary dose of public humiliation. Apparently when it comes to badminton rackets, you get what you paid for... and a euro a piece (birdies included) doesn't get you much. At least the laughing from running after the broken birdie provides a good ab workout.

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