day 20, the one that broke you most

Day 20. The one that broke your heart the hardest

Joe,

I love you. We've been married nearly six months. We're together. Every. Day. It's incredibly. I'm really happy.

But before that, there was all this other stuff. Like me going back to Wapak for that first summer. Or you wanting to join the Peace Corps and me in some way almost kind of talking you out of it, which makes me the worst person ever. Like me going to France and coming back and you going to graduate school and us feeling differently about what that would mean for our relationship. 

Like all of those long-distance conversations and crises that were really painful and that you handled really well while I cried into my cell phone and it kept getting warmer and warmer in my hand from being connected so long. I'm pretty sure that some nights, you let me cry until I fell asleep. You sat in the static of a cell phone connection with your train wreck of a fiancé on the other end. It was heartbreaking–how much it hurt my chest, my hands, my stomach to love you. 

The closer and more stable we got, the more my heart seemed to break–not so much to tear itself apart, but to pull you in and give you a place to sit. Once you were there–cemented–the whole mess plastered itself back together.

I never expected heartbreak to be the beginning, but without it I couldn't have accepted what I felt for you. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't gone through the physical ache of it. Now we're here, with new heartbreaks creeping in, and again I'm relieved–that you're here now, to hold onto me through all of it, and that I learned to see heartbreak as the beginning. 

Thanks for being really good at loving me.

Love,
Meg


Enjoy what you're reading? I'd love to know that we're on track. Click Follow on the right side of the screen to stick with us.