day 16, to the people at home

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Day 16. Someone that's not in your country

Beloved friends & family,

I feel like when I get home to you, we'll pick up where we left off–like it's two days after the wedding & 12 days before our flight to France. Like we're just getting home from our honeymoon again, because in so many ways that's exactly what it feels like.

I'll be sad when I get home, so please be a bit understanding. I will be giving up my access to:
  • real health care
  • trains & the travel it allows
  • having most of our debt feel far away (though I'll be a student ago, so boo on you gov't loans!)
  • my students, who I've come to love
  • cheese
  • baguettes
  • my favorite style of architecture (Nancy's mix of the classic French small town & amazing Art Nouveau)
  • the French language in many ways
    To compensate & to drown out these things, I'll be coming home with loads of recipes to share with you, crafty gift ideas for the next round of holidays (to make them EXTRA special), books about statistics to get myself studying–which then doubles the need for a movie marathon with my mom & sister–and a few surprises. I'm still struggling with how to translate this experience to a life in the States–how can I communicate what we saw and felt here? How can I continue the aspects of life that we love? Is there any way I can explain what the air and trees and bakeries feel like here?

    My time here has taught me how much I love & need you. It's taught me that, no matter how hard I try not to, I fall in love easily & I can't stand still. The movement, the required distances, always break my heart–moving from missing you to missing a country where I feel like my soul belongs. I've learned that no matter what you happen to be far away from, you find yourself more connected to it than ever. You can't drown it out.

    I tried hard to write a Harry Potter analogy into this feeling, because that's what it feels like–some kind of other-world connection to you, via a scar on my heart, not my forehead. The analogy didn't work, because one of us was always Harry & the other was Voldemort. And I don't want any of us to kill the other ones. Let's just leave it at, "I feel strongly connected to you and look forward to seeing you again."

    In ways, I feel closer to many of you here than I did when I could drive to your home or walk to your apartment or walk your dog or burst into your rooms we shared. This means that our relationship can only keep getting stronger. That sounds nice. I like that.

    I love you. So, so many of you.

    Soon,
    Meg

    P.S. I've started making pop tarts, & I can't seem to shut up about them. Forgive me the repeated promotion of this recipe, but it's SO easy & fun... and the possibilities are endless.

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