marriage, day 11

The goodbyes have started. It was slow at first, not realizing that we were saying them. It was just, "Good night, and thanks for coming to the wedding." It took days to realize that many of those would last at least a year. Now, they're having a much harder, final thump to them when they jump up and smack us in the face--like dinner at Joe's sister's last night, like watching television with his parents when we got home.

"Take care of each other," his dad repeated when our goodbyes moved from the family room to the kitchen before we all turned in for the night.

The goodbye process has been a slow escalation of emotions, traveling and stress. This is having more than a few physical manifestations.

I realized over the past few days that each time I eat, a rock forms in my stomach. My chest hurts. I need to go to bed after every meal. I get a pulsing pain in my side. The congratulations & farewell celebrations & travels between families have included too, too many restaurants, cheeses, cupcakes & coffees.

My body is rebelling. It's longing to get back to the clean diet it got used to. This mixed with the stress that tends to boil in my stomach have me constantly on edge.

Joe realized yesterday that his stress has started building up to a point higher than his body can handle. He isn't one to talk about stress or where his mind is drifting off to, which can mean even more physical symptoms. When his schedule got too heavy during his last year of graduate school, his heart jumped on him, caused a small panic attack & warned him to calm down. This is something I'm now always afraid of.

So last night, we made a few promises to each other for the sake of our longevity (individually & as a couple):

1. We need to talk about our stress: when, why & how it's manifesting itself. This isn't bitching. This is reducing our stress & stopping us from internalizing everything.
2. We need to make more time each day to sit & pray. During our marriage preparation classes, the priest said the hardest thing for many couples to do is pray together. We agree. So we're baby-stepping: We won't pray aloud. We'll start by carving out a time of day when we each sit & pray.
3. We will do yoga. I've been warming him up to this idea, & he's taken a pretty solid interest in it. I'm excited to find an inexpensive class to really start understanding what the videos talk about & why I can't get my body into a standing forward bend.
4. We will get on more balanced diets. We will focus on eating for energy. We will monitor our health, adjust our diets to fit our bodies needs.

Today starts a firmer focus on our mental health, which truly feels like a stronger focus on each other. Cheers to that. Cheers with perhaps a light summer ale instead of two smoked porters and some pretzels... See? We can do it!