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On Saturday I made a Nutella Pie, via a recipe I found on (never home)makers. My mousse-like filling did not turn out the color of there. I think this has little to do with my pie-making skills and lots to do with the fact that the 3 oz. of milk chocolate were in the fridge (and I was too impatient to let them come to room temperature).

Regardless, it was delicious. I left a bit of the filling in the bowl and dipped the spatula in it, licking the thing until I'd smeared it all over my face like a five-year-old. I then ate part of a piece after dinner on Saturday.

Today, I had a cinnamon roll for breakfast. I ate a buckeye (peanut butter bonbon) that I found in the freezer. After my sister make chocolate-covered pretzels for my upcoming bridal shower, I stole some of the melted chocolate and smeared it on a banana.

After Sunday dinner, my family finished the pie. I did a good bit of helping. And this is the end.

Today, I am freeing myself of extra sugar. For the past few days, I've been giving into every sugar craving, mostly to maintain any amount of sanity or happiness that I can.

I don't like it. I don't like giving in or feeling like I can't give in once in a while or feeling like I shouldn't have sugar. I'm taking a break from all of it. I'm going dessert-free. I'm getting my body back.

I looked at a list of celebrities that are my height. Their weight range is roughly 97-108 pounds. A star I've never heard of dropped five pounds in two weeks so that she could reach her goal weight, her "best" weight, of 104 pounds.

This is ridiculous. This is not a standard that I should ever expect myself to abide by. They get paid millions of dollars to maintain an extra-slim body. They're held to a different standard. I'm finally understanding that I never want to be that thin again.

I do want to love this funky little body I've got though.  A few pieces of it have really grown on me. My tiny mouth. My suddenly wavy hair. My shoulders. Ok, I can handle that.

My thighs. My belly. Not so much. We're getting ourselves back into shape, legs. We're doing it for the wedding and we're doing it to prove that you don't have to ever step on a scale to be your "best weight." Because we are not numbers. We are not hard, calculated data. We are water and salt and nitrogen and in flux.

If I'm going to look good in that wedding dress, ignoring what size it is or how much weight I feel I should lose to fit into it well, I have to believe that I look good. I have to accept myself, and in order to do that I have to really start taking care of myself. I have to know what my best body is.