day 7, to your ex-boyfriend

Day 7. Your Ex-boyfriend

Josh, 

Thanks for asking me out right after the talent show. We were walking over to Field Day, and I was slowly realizing that I do not sound like Maria Carey. Your timing was perfect.

I had a great time rollerblading with you that summer. Those were the days before mortality. I think of getting back into my rollerblades now, and I'm reminded of the stopper in the back that doesn't seem to stop anything. I think of standing back up with the gravel pressed into the soft parts of palms and knees.

When I think of you, I don't think of the break-up. I tried to explain this to you then, when after the phone call you sent Dominic down to see if I was okay. I was reading in bed when he knocked on my window. It was open; he could have just called in. It was kind of him to knock, though I wonder how long he was standing there to see if he could hear me crying. I wasn't. 

I was fine. I didn't mean it as a disservice to you. I intended to keep the teddy bear you got me at the Hard Rock Café–no mutilating it or setting it on fire. You were free to go. The part that stung, though, was the birthday party–the one for the twins. You remember them, don't you? One handled troubles reasonably well; he's the one we've forgotten. The other one–I remember a frightening yearbook photo of him–handled it (life) less well–got into drugs, then the Army, then back to drugs I believe. 

Anyway, we were at their party (13th?). The started Spin the Bottle. You wouldn't kiss me, said it was too public and strange. But when it spun to Kelly, it was different. She wasn't your girlfriend. So you kissed her. And we broke up. I make it sound bad, but I was fine–truly. I just think that maybe you should handle things differently in the future, if you haven't changed that habit yet–finding the next one in front of the current.

I'm still sorry about the guinea pig. Had I known you were allergic, I honestly wouldn't have you hold her (though it was after the party and before the break-up). Had I known how bad it was, I'd have offered for Dad to drive you home with your swollen-shut eyes and your bubbling hands and arms. We can still laugh at this and forget the rest. That's how it should be.

Hope you're well,
Megan

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