three months in

It's already November, & today marks our three month wedding anniversary. People say that time flies, & it goes faster the longer your married. I can't imagine any amount of time going faster than these first three months.

Nor can I imagine any span of time being more emotional. There has been a lot of leaving, missing, moving, weather-dreariness, excitement, anxiety & fear. We've watched our checkbooks swing up & down; we've watched our cupboards fill and empty. Now, we've watched the trees change colors before returning to their naked gray.

Like the leaves raked into piles around those trees and gardens, Joe & I are feeling settled. We've been through the roughest patch of being in France–just in time for winter, when we'll spend more time tucked away in our apartment together. We've learned how to approach our fears & how to keep ourselves feeling steady.

I wanted to take a minute today to reflect on what we've accomplished in our first three months of marriage. What have we been able to learn in the first few months?

1. I am a morning person & Joe is a night owl. At first, it was an odd balance. Could he leave the light on when I went to bed, or would it bother me? Could I make breakfast in the morning without crinkling too many things or dropping my spoon? Now, we've got our own schedules, our own rhythm & our own time. We love being together. When we're in the same room, it's hard for me not to keep holding onto him (but it's hard for him to write or cook or sweep when I'm still hugging). But the break of an hour or two in the quiet of our apartment is a bit of a release that we both enjoy.

2. You have to make concessions being an environmental couple. From choosing toothpaste & shampoo to breakfast crackers or coffee, we have to balance what can be "équitable" & "bio." This is frustrating, because we'd love to carve out a bigger budget for safe cleaners & food by cutting back on other spending... but we're also realizing that educational debt is in our cards for a long time. France is in our cards for this year. It's time to budget, give credit cards an extra payment & save the rest for traveling Europe.

3. You have to make further concessions being an environmental couple when your apartment has limited ventilation. We've stopped putting the towel at our kitchen door, & I am proud to announce that our walls are mildew/mold FREE. We took turns scrubbing last weekend & got it all in tip-top shape. Beers to celebrate!

4. Not everything can be put away everyday; not everything can be left draped over chairs until we want to wear them again. Joe & I are balancing our cleaning & organizing styles to (1) relax & not clean everyday & (2) save room in our apartment. If I honestly laid out the clothes I wanted to wear soon to get the wrinkles out without an iron, I would cover the whole floor.

So these are all to say that there's more to this "give & take" relationship than we realized when people warned us, but you reach a point when him leaving the toothpaste on the edge of the sink becomes an endearing reminder that he's there, with you always instead of states away–that he'll be home for lunch in a few hours, not in a few months.