the day before

I've avoided blogging over the past few days. The wedding has nearly broken several times, been reshuffled from airlines to Greyhounds, had tables rearranged & dinners added/dropped/switched. I have cried over Joe being in his tux, cried over my best friend's serious transportation troubles (since she's doubling as my photographer, this was doubly frightening), cried over money losses, cried because I'm exhausted & can't take any more.

I haven't wanted to talk to anyone.

Then yesterday, the bridal party finally got into town. We went out for drinks with the groomsmen & most of their dates. Then, we headed back to the house where the lovely Maid of Honor & both sets of bridal parents were hanging out. We proceeded to play corn hole & drink Bud Select & eat graham crackers (ok, this was mostly me when the s'more-making was done) deep into the night. I was so unbelievably happy–surrounded by so much excitement & genuine happiness.

Then Joe left. He's spending these last two nights with his family at the hotel. It's odd that I can miss him so much when he's only ten minutes away, when I know I'll have the rest of my life with him. Today, we're each spending a bit of a last day with our families.

So far this morning, I have done my nails and discussed my hair. This is my job for the day. To slow down, relax & focus on the fact that no matter what, everything will turn out fine. It will happen just the way it was meant to. And we will be married.

It was odd last night to realize that this is my last time sleeping in my room. The room I grew up in. Now, it is my sister's room & hers alone. When I visit, I will be a married woman. I will stay with my husband, our own little family cluster. I hadn't thought about this before–not how the marriage changed my role in my childhood home. Falling asleep was bittersweet.