one hundred fifty-seven

A big status update: I am two days away from Spring Break, still unsure what day I'll be heading back to Ohio. It all still depends on this crazy school schedule that really caught up with me today.

Well, really it started yesterday. I felt sick, didn't want to eat, thought I was getting the flu, then passed out at 11 p.m. My phone rang a few times, didn't phase me and barely woke me up for my 5:30 alarm. I ate some cookies, thinking I'd be working for a few hours and would hold off on my actual breakfast (genius). Then I fell asleep until 8:30, woke up nauseous and said that work was a horrible idea.

Two assignments down and four to go, I'm feeling better. I've packed some things away, to bring home to my parents' attic over break, and gotten a handle on another assignment. I've also made myself some food–my first sit-down meal in a while: a plate of roasted zucchini and carrots next to a heaping pile of oven-baked, spicy sweet potato fries. I feel better already.

But this was supposed to be a status update. So, here is what Spring Break looks like for all of you wedding-curious readers:

Sunday– meet with painist after 10 o'clock mass
Monday– flower shopping
Wednesday– meeting with decorator for the hall
Undecided– order bridesmaids' dresses, write wedding announcements, start making invitations (if we get them from the printer)

(now, my reminders to myself)
In my free time, I'll be:

• translating 1.5 hours a day, to make up for lost time
• reading The Bell Jar
• reading Lady Chatterly's Lover
• reading Bordeaux 

And, the more exciting tasks: 

• writing my paper for the presentation at St. Louis University's undergraduate symposium 
• completing paperwork for my Nancy visa and teaching position

Other people go on cruises. I get my life together. Now that I think about it, this has always been how I run things. (Things being my life.) Other people go out on weekends. I stayed in so that I could wake up at 5 a.m. to bake bagels for my favorite people in Muncie. (No, no the owners of mt Cup, but the outstanding families that adopted me as part of their Saturday and/or Sunday ritual.) Other people hang out with friends, I sit upstairs with my roommate and my rabbit, typing feverishly until we all pass out.

Honestly, I'm getting tired of this life. It's a life of preparation for the next thing, of focusing on the "big picture," but being so lost in the details that it doesn't seem to matter. People are hesitant when I say this, but I know that it's true–I know that we won't let ourselves go on busing between nine jobs and classes–I simply cannot wait to be married.

I cannot wait to have a job and Joe to come home to. I can't wait to know that there is someone willing to put up with all of my whiny shit without feeling like he has to compete with a busier schedule or a more horrible class. I can't wait to come home from work and write only if I want to, which I do, we so desperately do.

I can't wait to wake up early on Saturday because it is what I do, not because I have a full day of assignments. I'll hear the birds and not be confused about what the clicking noise outside my window is, like happened earlier this week. These are complaints that every college student has when they get this near graduation, but spelling it all out and cutting it up into smaller timelines is helping me swallow it. I'm looking forward to dessert.